Kosher Alarm System

Coming back to big America and comparing it to Italy, I was reminded of this joke:
Owner to a house hunter: “Yes, the kitchen is a bit small, but with a mortgage like this you won’t do much cooking anyway.”

Since the war in Israel has started – or, to be more precise, since the evacuation from Gush Katif last summer – anti-Semitism has reared its ugly head all over the world and is being felt by Jews from all walks of life and all levels of observance. No one is free from the hatred; you may get a nose job but your Jewishness will continue to shine from you.
Obviously, then, if you’re Jewish, you might as well get the privileges too.
Therefore, due to the crisis which is felt now more than ever, I’m proud to present to you the Jewish alarm system. It’s not too expensive, causes no radioactive damage, and not too much space is needed. You don’t even need an electrician to install it!
No, this is not some kind of racist alarm system; it is simply a Mitzvah from G-d called a Mezuzah. A Mezuzah is a piece of parchment with some Hebrew words written on it. When you place it on your doorpost in accordance with Torah instructions (consult your local Rabbi for details,) then you have a special alarm system – G-d Himself watches over you with special care. And with G-d as the safeguard, I guess we can fairly accurately add to the manual guide “satisfaction guaranteed.”
Over the years, many people who would write to the Rebbe for a blessing for health and other concerns would receive a response advising that they check their Mezuzahs and Tefillin. Of course, one must do what he can in the natural realm to keep himself safe, but when one has kosher Mezuzahs and Tefillin, he receives an extra dose, as it were, of G-d’s protection.
Actually, in this week’s Torah portion we read about the Mitzvah of Mezuzah, so it is certainly a proper time to check and/or buy your Mezuzos; we all need the extra safety.
And remember – it’s also a Mitzvah! So it’s like a double package: firstly, you receive protection for yourself and your family and moreover, by fulfilling a mitzvah, you help usher in the time of eternal peace and safety for all mankind – the time of Moshiach.
So do yourself and the world a favor and buy/check your Mezuzahs and Tefillin. After all, satisfaction is guaranteed!