Eulogies for the Living

The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress and the country preacher talked at length about the good traits of the deceased. What an honest man, what a loving husband and kind father he was!

Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her children, “Go up there and take a look in the coffin. See if that’s your dad.”

***

He was such a nice man! She was so warm and compassionate! What unique individuals they were!

It seems that of each deceased there is so much good to talk about: his accomplishments and good deeds, his wisdom and grace. We are always reminded of the generous donations he gave or the kind father he was.

But wasn’t he, like all others, a human being, a creature of choice and challenge who may have made mistakes? What of his failures and bad habits, his ego and lusts? What of the times he lost his temper or the relationships which were not so smooth?

Of all this you won’t hear a word. For all mishaps are pushed aside once one has left this world, and only the good and positive will be cherished and held on to.

Why do all those who may have argued with this man in the past suddenly sing his praise? How can one stand and extol the virtues of the departed despite the flaws he might have easily found a few days earlier? Has this human being become an angel upon leaving this physical world?

No. It isn’t the late individual who changed; we did. Once a man has left this world and we gaze at the tapestry that is his life, we can overlook the truly insignificant imperfections. During his lifetime, we may have scrutinized him under the light of stressful situations and through the lens of our own ego. We might have pointed out every knot or loose thread. But when death strikes, we suddenly see clearly. We finally take that moment of truth to see the person as a whole, and we discover, sometimes a bit too late, a beautiful life.

Yet it does not have to be too late. Do our loved ones need to be in surgery so that we can see how much they mean to us? Do we, G-d forbid, need to lose someone before we can truly find him?

Take a moment today to focus on the good and beautiful. See how much positive and saintliness lies in the hearts of all those around you. Tell them you love them. Let them know what a wonderful presence they are in your life.

And if it won’t frighten you, try to imagine the eulogy you would say for the person you can’t forgive.

At a time when 32 beautiful people needlessly lost their lives, let the living take to heart the messages they now send.