Category — Chanukah

A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Chanukah cards. She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Chanukah stamps?”

The clerk asks, “What denomination?”

“Oh my G-d,” the woman says, “has it come to this? Give me 6 Orthodox, 12 Conservative, and 32 Reform.”

***

You’re a loner.

Friends have deserted you.

The world you knew is totally upside-down.

Morality is lost.

Religion is prohibited.

Everything you stand for is crumbling before your very own eyes.

What do you do?

You sit down with a few loyal followers to devise a plan of action. Ideas are being thrown around the table:

“Just give up; it’s a lost cause!”

“We should go into hiding, so that at least we and our families will stay loyal and devout.”

“Let’s open an underground resistance movement, and slowly build it into a huge force. Eventually, when we will be large enough, we will fight back.”

“Pray! And cry to G-d for help!”

What do you do?

You are the leader and everyone looks at you, waiting for your decision.

In your mind there is a vision of a day when freedom will ring through out the world, when democracy will replace tyranny. Flashbacks of mighty Samson, Abraham and Joseph float through your memory.

You look at the discouraged faces of your family and followers, despair painted all over their faces. What will become of them?

You reach a decision:

Fight back!!!

Are you out of your mind?

That is suicide!

What’s the rush?

Moreover: if you lose, there will be no one left to teach the people!

Where is your responsibility?

Fight back!!!

You close your eyes, and you share a dream:

“Dear friends, I can see the future. I see a place called America, a country similar to our sophisticated Greece, full of culture and secularism. It is a land where religion is unpopular and out of style.

“Yet look! There is a Menorah at the White House, at the mall, in Manhattan, and in the windows of millions of people’s homes.

“See the smiles on the faces of Jewish children; look at the determination in the faces of their parents! Listen how they tell the story of our heroism, and promise to keep up our legacy.

“We have responsibility for the future generations! We must not be afraid! The future of Judaism is in our hands!”

They smile at you. They understand.

Moshiach now!

Happy Chanukah!

The first Jewish President of the United States has been inaugurated, and the first Jewish holiday that follows is Chanukah. So he calls up his mother to invite her to the White House for Chanukah.
Their conversation goes something like this:
Prez: Mom, with Chanukah being the first holiday after my inauguration, I want you to celebrate it with us at the White House.
Mom: Oh, I don’t know. I’ll have to get to the airport and…
Prez: Mom! I’m the President of the United States! I’ll send for a limo to take you right to the airport!
Mom: OK, but when I get to the airport, I’ll have to wait on the line to check my baggage. Oh, it will be so difficult for me.
Prez: Mom, don’t worry about standing on lines or any of that. I’m the most powerful person in the world. I’m the President. I’ll send Air Force One for you!
Mom: Well, OK. But when I get to Washington, I’ll have to find a cab and…
Prez: Mom, please! I’ll have a helicopter waiting for you. It will bring you right to the White House lawn!!!
Mom: Well, yeah. But where will I stay? Can I get a hotel room…
Prez: Mom, we have this whole big White House! There will be plenty of room! Please do join us, won’t you?
Mom: Ok, I’ll be there.
Two seconds later, she calls her friend:
Mom: Hello, Sadie! Guess what? I’m spending Chanukah at my son’s house!
Sadie: Oh, the doctor?
Mom: No, the other one.
***
It’s that time of year again.
In the privacy of their homes and in the center and malls of their towns, Jews the world over will gather around the menorah, the “Chanukia”, to celebrate: play Draidel, eat fried Latkes and jelly doughnuts, and give out Chanukah presents galore. And of course let’s not forget the “Gelt”.
However, there is one essential part of the Chanukah experience which unfortunately is neglected – to watch and listen to the dancing flames of the Menorah as they tell their story. The fifth Rebbe of Chabad taught that one must listen to story the Chanukah lights tell us.
So here is the plan: Give yourself a few minutes alone with the lights, and watch and listen as they dance, sing and act their story, the story of Chanukah, in their own style.
To listen to the flame and take in its message, is a touching experience, for it tells the story of lives; past, present and future.
Let me relate to you the drama I watched one flame dance out for me last year:
Once upon a time, many years ago, in the land of Israel there lived a nation called the Jews. These people were monotheists only believing in one infinite creator, and following his commandments diligently, with all their heart and soul. They built a great temple in the city of Jerusalem where they brought sacrifices to their G-d.
The country of Israel at that time was ruled by the Syrian Greeks, and its ruler was Antiochus Epiphanes, a mighty and evil ruler who decided to “modernize” the people of Israel.
With his gods of stone and earth, and thousands of armed soldiers he set out to destroy the Jewish religion.
Many Jews were attracted to this ‘sophisticated’ life, and betrayed their religion; they took on the name “Hellenists”.
Even the holy temple was desecrated, a pig sacrificed on the altar.
Alas, to his dismay, this was only a partial success, as there remained a small but powerful force of “Fanatics”, who clung with all their heart and soul to their heritage, and didn’t change their garb inside or out. These people called themselves the Macabbees.
The Macabbees waged many wars against the Greeks, and with G-d’s help finally regained the city of Jerusalem.
It was time to rededicate the holy temple by lighting the seven-branched Menorah. To their dismay, they could only find enough kosher oil for one day, and to get new oil would take eight days.
With little choice and much faith, they lit the Menorah.
And the menorah burnt for eight days!
*
What a story! I looked at the flame, who continued dancing silently yet with so much excitement. Did he still have more to say?
He did. “So why did the rabbis declare this holiday of Chanukah?” he asked.
Me: I guess it’s because we won the war!
Flame: Haven’t we won greater victories in our history?
Me: Well then perhaps it is to celebrate the miracle of the lights.
Flame: That too, but haven’t you missed the most important thing of all? After all, we Jews have witnessed greater miracles, yet they remain uncelebrated?
Me: Ok, I give up, why not tell me yourself?
Flame: The sages declared a holiday, because this was the first time in history that people revolted not out of poverty, tyranny or dictatorship, but out of religious freedom, a revolt for a noble G-dly cause.
Even if we had not won this war, this act would warrant a holiday. The moment a person stands up for his convictions he has performed a miracle, he has surpassed his nature.
So spoke the little flame, and my soul was touched. As my flame was ignited, I walked out, inspired to spread the message that miracles can happen…
By you and me!